Oh, No – Where Did My Faith Go?

The enemy of our souls loves to take his little hammer and start pounding on us when things don’t work out the way we think they should, doesn’t he?  And, even though as Christians we know that he is defeated, and that someday we’ll no longer have to deal with him because he will be destroyed permanently (Revelation 20:7-10), at times we allow ourselves to get thrown into his yukky mud and we can’t seem to pull ourselves out.  So it was the week after Jeffrey’s prayer day (Ya Just Never Know What God’s Gonna Do Next).

As much as I tried to keep my focus on all the good that the Lord did leading up to and after that day, as the next week progressed I found myself sinking into a make-believe quicksand of which I couldn’t get out of.  I tried to stay upbeat, but instead found myself down, depressed and with absolutely no energy.  And boy, Gary learned to stay out of my way fast!

Magic Puzzles. April 16The “oh poor me” thoughts took control of my mind:  Why can’t I ever have any time just for myself?  Why can our next-door neighbors have 5 absolutely healthy children and we cannot even have one?  It seems like Jeffrey’s legs are getting weaker, Lord – how much longer do we need to wait for You to act?

How thankful I am that our God is always ready to forgive, and is always ready to pull us back to Him in His love, even when we fall prey to the same sins over and over!

Finally one morning when I again awoke depressed, I got up, grabbed my robe, and went downstairs just crying out to the Lord:  I am just so tired, where is my joy – is Jeffrey ever going to walk or be normal?

need restThen I felt the Lord reminding me (again!): Trust Me, and don’t try to understand My ways; acknowledge Me in everything – trust Me.”  Of course – Proverbs 3:5-6.

I once again broke down and leaned onto Him as I felt His arms wrap around me.  If we as humans could only begin to grasp how much He loves us!

And that afternoon – out of the blue – came a phone call from a special friend.  As I shared with her how my week had been going she reminded me that God always does answer our prayers in one way or the other; but we need to wait on Him and His timing.  She also told me she feared I would be having the emotions that I had been struggling with that week, which was later confirmed by another wonderful friend.

Yes, Lord – You are always faithful.  Thank you for always lifting me up when I fall.  I do trust You with all my heart.  Help me to remember the importance of walking by faith, and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

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