But Lord, I Don’t Want To…

Ever been just cruzin’ along with Jesus on what you believe is the straight and narrow path, and then He asks you to suddenly take a sharp turn left?  I mean, my life is His, and I want to be obedient in whatever He asks, but Lord, I don’t want to do that!!!

Going through more of my journal entries prior to Jeffrey starting kindergarten, I came across a period of time in my life when quite frankly I just couldn’t believe that the Lord would ask me to step into such a position.  I chuckle now as I recall this whole ordeal – but I wasn’t chuckling then!

Gary, Jeffrey and I had felt called to leave our wonderful church home where I had gotten saved, and we were now becoming involved in our new church.  The time came where I felt I had been a “pew-sitter” for long enough, and now I was ready and raring to get going in some type of ministry.

So it was that I read in the weekly church bulletin that there was going to be a Women’s Ministry Kick-Off night coming up where the women’s team were going to lay out all the ministries that were going to be available for that upcoming year.  Yippee!

So I arrived there that night, and I prayed and listened intently to ministry and Bible study options.  Is this where You want me, Lord?  How about that one?  On and on I went in my quiet conversations with the Lord.

don't be afraidAnd then one of the speakers said something to the effect that it’s not always comfortable when the Lord leads us into something, but the question is do we really want to glorify Him in what we do by being obedient, or are we trying to place ourselves in a position where we think God would want us just because it sounds like something we want to do?

Hmmm…  I sat contemplating those words as the ministry leads continued speaking about upcoming events.

Suddenly the evening was over…  Huh???  But Lord, I haven’t heard from You!

It was then that it happened.  These words popped into my mind as clear as day:  “Worship Team.”

I sat there in shock:  Lord, they didn’t even TALK of worship team! 

I ran out to my car and starting sobbing uncontrollably.  You see, at our previous church I had been involved on one of the worship teams for years, but basically I would just play some little notes on the synthesizer in the background.  I was in no way confident of my musical ability, and the thought of going back to playing on a team – especially in a large church where I knew hardly anyone – was absolutely terrifying.

However one thing I’ve learned (actually I’m still in the process of learning!), is that when God asks you to do something, He’s got things already in motion.  Because, you see, prior to the Women’s Ministry event, I already had heard that one of the worship pastors had been asking a couple people about me playing at our old church, and had been wondering if I might be interested.  I, of course, had at that time completely and adamantly told my friend who mentioned it to me that I WASN’T INTERESTED!

But Scripture says that God arranges members in His church where He wants them to be (1 Corinthians 12:18).  And part of the reason for me being at that church at that time was to fill an opening where they now had a need.  They were going to be starting a Saturday evening service, and they were having a hard time finding musicians to assist in that service.

So, when I finally got around to being obedient (after not getting sleep a couple of nights I was definitely ready!), I called the worship pastor, and – oh, no – he actually wanted me to come in for a fly-by-night interview where just he and I played the “keys” together!  I couldn’t believe that I actually passed that test; and I know without a doubt that if I hadn’t been wearing extra-dry antiperspirant my shirt probably would’ve have been dripping wet with sweat!!!

manna1So began my season with being on a worship team at my new church.  But let me tell you, it wasn’t easy!  Every single time I had to go in for practice – or play at a church service – I had to go into the bathroom at church and plead with the Lord to help me to play the songs correctly.  Some days I almost physically felt like I was going to puke.

But time and time again, I felt the Lord reminding me that following Him sometimes requires us to step out of our comfort zones to fulfill a need within a ministry.  I was also reminded that when He calls us to something, let Him do it, because it’s not all about me, but it’s about Him.  

Philippians 1:6 (NIV) says:  [H]e who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  And you know what?  The completion date for this ministry was only about a year later when the worship ministry went in another direction, and I knew it was time for me to step down.

And, of course, the Lord had a brand new adventure awaiting me!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s