How Did This Happen?

As my boyfriend and I started our lives together in his apartment, we found that we really got along well.  We were both excelling in our job at the pancake house, so the regional manager ended up sending us to Salt Lake City to live for a year to help train some of the staff.  What an adventure!

After moving back to Washington State, the manager would periodically send us to other locations to help train, as well.  We lived in Oregon for awhile, and Eastern Washington for a few months.  This was fun!  We were together 24/7, and it appeared to me that finally my life was where it should be.

Then we moved back to the Seattle area, and decided to get married.  We found a nice newer apartment not too far from where we worked and settled into a routine.

One day I found out I was pregnant again.  But this time we felt we were ready, and we were excited.  But oh how nauseous I felt for the first 3 months.  I thought women said they experienced morning sickness, not sickness all day long!

Yet I finally got through that period, and we started thinking about how we were going to set up our apartment for the baby.

resurrection crossesHowever one day while in my 5th month we were sitting at home watching TV, and all of a sudden I experienced severe stomach cramping.  What was all this about?  The pain seemed to keep getting worse, so we ended up calling my OB/GYN.

He put us at ease saying he wasn’t worried – after all I was now in my 2nd trimester, well past the time when I could miscarry.  In his mind it was probably indigestion, so he started asking me what I had been eating, and gave me some ideas of “safe” things I could take to help calm my cramping.

The problem:  Nothing worked!  The cramping intensified, and finally got so bad that my husband loaded me in the car and we rushed into the closest ER.  The nurse placed me in some sort of birthing room, and then left me alone so she could try and contact my doctor.

Remember readers – this was back in the 1970’s.  Back then the husband and family members were not typically in the delivery room with you.

So there I lay, and the pain kept getting worse and worse.  I was scared and crying.

Suddenly I felt a sensation I had never felt before.  I found myself trying to ease the pressure by pushing down with my stomach muscles.  All of a sudden I felt something come out!

Deep inside I knew it was the baby, but I was too afraid to do anything so I just laid there and continued to cry.

Purpose for usA few moments later a nurse came into my room, and began to panic.  People seemed to come from out of the woodwork, but all I could do was lie there weeping and staring at the ceiling.

I was informed later that I had indeed given birth to the baby, which had died.  It had been a little girl.

Once discharged from the hospital I went and stayed with my mother for a few days.  However I refused to talk about the baby at all.  I just could not handle hearing anything about her.  I left all the arrangements to my husband.  I guess part of me had died, as well.  Nothing seemed to make sense.

A couple days later I went home with my husband to our apartment.  Yet to this day I don’t recall if I ever asked him questions about our little girl.  I just needed to forget all about what had just happened.  I don’t even know if she had ever been given a name.

Thank you, Jesus, that I know now that she is safe in Your arms, and that someday I will be able to see her…

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